Friday, 27 April 2012

Get Happy

Two years ago, I was pretty miserable. I was reminded (not that I had exactly forgotten) of this recently, when I was rooting out an old picture of me with a particular hairdo. I just look a bit, well... sad. It seems to shine out of my eyes. I don't ever want to be that sad again, and so far, touch wood, life has been a lot kinder to me in the last two years. Not perfect, but not nearly so mean!

I've posted on here several times before about the things I do to cheer myself up if I'm feeling blue - physical things like putting a flower in my hair, wearing red lipstick. You know, superficial things. Don't get me wrong, they absolutely do work. But I recently watched a DVD of The Secretand while some of it was pretty silly (if you worry about the big bills you're about to receive through your letterbox... they'll materialise! No, actually your racking up of said big bills is what will make them materialise, duh!), and it did inspire me quite a lot. Well, enough to write a blog about it, anyway. But there's such a lot to be said for thinking, speaking and acting positive to manifest positive things in your life, and I feel like sharing my newly acquired pearls of happiness wisdom.

In my experience thus far, if you're feeling a bit mopey and someone you know and love (who's aware of said mopeyness) asks you how you're doing, you have two choices. You can open your heart and spill out the sadness therein, and then spend the next few hours going over and over the things that are dragging you down, lamenting that this has happened to you, aren't you awesome like your friends all say you are? When will it all end? Oh woe! Or, you can get it off your chest and then close that chapter for the time being. You draw a temporary line in the sand, step over it and move swiftly on to talking about something more positive, something that will bring smiles and hope. The first option will ensure you'll spend all your time with your beloved friend being all sad, keeping you down, bringing them down, it's just a big down-fest. But the latter leads to sharing, sympathising yes; but then getting the hell out of...er... Down-ge. Trust me, it works. I've been made redundant, been dumped, carelessly lost stuff, broken things, crashed my car, been made to feel a fool, and so on, many times over the years. I'm sure we all have experienced some or all of those things. But my new strategy, when faced with a blow, is to wallow in it for ONLY a set and indeed short amount of time, and then move the heck on. Which is not to say that the self-pitying thoughts won't creep back in quiet moments. But try your absolute hardest not to dwell on them. Acknowledge them, but then let them pass. Focus on your ambitions, your dreams, that party, even the awesome dinner you have planned! Write a set of positive affirmations and repeat them to yourself every night before you go to bed. It really works, promise.

As ever, please note that I am not a qualified counsellor and all my advice is anecdotal and subjective, but if it can make even one of you lovely readers feel a little bit brighter when the world is conspiring to make you a misery guts, then I am happy. Hurrah for happy!

I'll leave you with some photos of me in my namesake Fleur dresses. These make me pretty happy at the moment! And now the word 'happy' has lost all meaning as I've written it too many times. Oh well!




(Above shoes from Rocket Originals)

Till next time!

Fleur xx
DiaryofaVintageGirl.com

25 comments:

  1. Ha... this post couldn't have come at a better time for me! I have had a rough year and just a few moments ago I received some semi-crushing news (nothing too terrible... don't worry!). Anyway I thought to myself "ughh enough sadness, I need something positive!" So I looked in blogger to find the title of this post most fitting. Thank you for the positive outlook and the reminder that we all have ups and downs.

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  2. One day, I will purchase one of those dresses! The mope/move on is the best way I've found to deal with less-than-awesome days. Acknowledge the sad, then think of the good. Totally works!

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  3. wonderful post. I always enjoy reading your posts. btw the dress you are wearing is terribly cute!
    Beth

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  4. Great post. I was made redundant in December, I'm still unemployed and sometimes I get down about it, but I find throwing myself into building my new business and applying for jobs, and yes red lipstick, keeps me ticking over. Sometimes it's good just to stop and count your blessings every now and again, puts it in perspective. X

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  5. Yes we have all been there. Even buying a little treat cheers me up or watching old Hollywood movies. I completely lose myself and find it lifts my spirits.

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  6. A though-provoking post! I've always wondered about that whole "Secret" thing...there certainly does seem to be some truth in ideas about self-fulfilling prophecies and the power of positive thinking. Where it always got me, though, is how you might take that train of thought and arrive at a place where an innocent victim of some tragedy "brought it on themselves" somehow. Hmmm. I have a hard time thinking that's how the universe works, you know?
    All that being said, though, the little things really can make a big difference, like a pretty manicure, a little treat here & there. Red lipstick.
    There's something to be said for those old adages "fake it til you make it" and "smile and the world smiles with you!"

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  7. Great post, I think positive thinking does really help, as does red lippy ;) x

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  8. Glad to hear things are looking up. Life has ups and downs, I am a complete worry wort (so glad emo hadn't happened when I was a kid haha) but my favourite joke is 'hey, the smallest good thing happens and I'm happily amazed!' haha. I find laughter is 100% the best medicine. And looking at things long term/large term... there are people out there who are refugees etc' and often they build rags to riches stories. So you're never out of the game, you can always come back with a bit of grit and guts!

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  9. I hardly recognise you without a stack of bangles on your wrist! Lovely pictures though. And I am so pleased things are getting better for you. I'm also coming out of a pretty dark place and the relief is amazing.

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  10. Dear Fleur, I am a (rather old, older than you) French lady who reads your post with some regularity.
    I love your imaginative way of dressing. And this post is very thoughtful and inspired by zen : juste live the moment and let it go.
    Thanks! Colette

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  11. Thank you so much for posting this. I know you probably feel like you went out on a limb to say something so personal, but it's really refreshing to read something so insightful on the internet, rather than just the typical superficial things we so commonly read on blogs. Thanks for the good advice and keep posting! I love the dress by the way!

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  12. I couldn't agree more. I had a nasty bout of clinical depression a few years ago, and while I know that no amount of positive thinking can help you out if that's what you're stuck in, it did teach me a good deal about managing my mood when my baseline is normal. If I'm having an awful day I allow myself to mope for 24 hours - run a long bath, sit around in PJs, whine at my mum, have a good cry and a glass of wine, etc. Then force myself the next day to put a nice outfit on, do my hair, and be positive. I've had a lot of setbacks the last couple of years and this has really helped me to keep them as setbacks, rather than catalysts for something much worse.

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  13. Hi Fleur,

    I am really shocked by your post and find it quite incredulous you would post something like this.

    I have spent my whole life putting on a smile, cheering myself up, writing happy lists and whatnot until I couldn't plaster over the cracks any longer. Thankfully I decided to ask for help and went into therapy to really explore my feelings of sadness. It's not about putting on red lipstick to cheer yourself up, it's about exploring your pain.

    I certainly won't be reading your blog any more.

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    1. Actually, it sounds to me like you're both saying the same thing: don't just sit at home feeling sorry for yourself, get up and do something about it! Whether you are suffering from a genuine clinical condition and you need to go out and seek medical help, or whether (at the other end of the spectrum) you're just having a crappy day and you need a little something to turn it around. The point is, these things don't just fix themselves, it's a choice you have to make, and nobody can do it for you, you have to do it yourself.

      Personally, I'm just glad you're both feeling better!

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  14. Wow firstly let me say that I don't think the person who posted above me quite understood the gist of your post! I loved it and thought it was brave to write about something so personal. I have been coming out of my 'dark hole' over the last couple of years and it has been an amazing experience! Realising how much you are in control of what you are doing with your life and how you feel about the world is the most fantastic feeling. I still have off days but the more I put myself out there, the more positive experiences and people come into my life. Sounds like your on the right track. x

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  15. I must say that I am not a fan of The Secret - but all for positive affirmations & visualisation :) And I do like me a nice frock - which has cheered me up this very morning!

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  16. Breaking my own rules to respond to 'Anon' above, though not sure what I can really say to that. Not sure you read it properly, and you certainly missed my point entirely. For me, when putting on red lipstick is not enough, then taking affirmative action to change my mood has been working for me. I don't want to languish in some pit of darkness (not saying it's this bad for me or anything, just a concept), I want to focus on the positives. As I say, people should always see a professional if it's that bad. Most certainly not be taking any dubious advice from a fashion blogger. But I seem to have helped inspire a few people so that's good enough for me to not stop doing what I do, and trying to help lift people's spirits. Sorry you feel so let down, but I won't apologise for this post.

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  17. nor should you - I (and others obviously) appreciated it. I also try not to let myself stew over things that don't really matter, and ask for help if I need it. Here's hoping we all won't need as much help in the future :-)

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  18. strange how people can judge other without knowing them... you are very brave to tell so many things about you and I'm very happy to share this confidences with you. And I ordered the dress straight after reading the post! Love

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  19. This post really helped me today. I'm normally a very cheerful person but awoke feeling sad this morning. I read your blog frequently and always inspired by your wonderful tastes and fashion.
    I've decided to take your advice. There are red roses blooming outside and I've decided to take a luxury bath, put my hair in victory rolls and pin a red rose in my do to match my lipstick.

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  20. Thanks for a great post.

    I'm (hopefully) coming out of a nasty bout of depression, where even getting dressed that day was a challenge, and one I achieved twice one week. But you know what, I'll take those winnings where I can.

    While I am of course under medical attention and medication, I quite agree that we need to do whatever it is that we think might make us feel better. Today it was that not only did I get dressed, but I chose a dress and cardy over my jeans and a t-shirt. Took no more effort, but looked a darned sight smarter. Happy inducing.

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  21. Hi Fleur. I came to that point in my life around about this time last year. It has made my life a lot happier. I was always one to dwell on things. It is just a waste of life. I came to the conclusion you can make life as easy or as difficult as you want to . There are things that you can't do anything about and you just have to deal with those the best way possible and there are things you can. Feel happy for the things we have in life , not the things we don't. x

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  22. For those that see the world the way we do, 'frocking' & putting a brave face on is often the best medicine. I'm going through the darkest time I've ever experienced, but getting dressed & presenting in the way I usually do helps immensely. Some don't understand, & perhaps think that by doing so I'm being flippant, but I know in my heart that it makes life more manageable & that can only be a good thing.


    Ps. You helped inspire me to run, which is making a huge impact!

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  23. Gorgeous dresses! Your hairstyle is also beautiful!
    Keep posting these lovely photos, they make my day and give me inspiration!

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I welcome all comments, praise and constructive criticism alike! Please note, though, that I don't respond to anonymous comments. If you want to offer a criticism then have the conviction to do so publicly. I thank you!

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