But it was not to be, since Mr Temple, editor of that fine periodical, The Chap Magazine (the organisers, of course), forgot to bring my chalkboard. So I was merely a punter this year, although I did make use of some distinctly underhand tactics. More on this later.
After a week of changeable weather and rain, it was actually the perfect day for the Olympiad. Not too hot, not too sunny, but not too cold or windy. No rain either, thank goodness. Nonetheless, I had to keep my cardigan on all day, and I'd taken the precaution of an updo to save my coiffure from disaster. I was wearing a vintage 50s cotton frock (with victory rolls, oh well!), my white Dixabilly bolero and white Remix sandals. And fully fashioned seamed stockings from What Katie Did, as it was not too warm. Hurrah! On to the photos!
After the lighting of the Olympic pipe and the opening ceremony, the first event I entered was the Martini Relay. The aim is for a team of four to use their cumulative skills to mix the perfect dry martini, compered (as was every event) to perfection by Antony Elvin. My task was to do the shaking, pouring and garnishing the finished drink with an olive. My 'rival' was Miss Minna aka Red Legs, and we employed our womanly wiles, showing the Mr Temple our stocking tops to try and persuade him ours were the best. I have no idea who actually won!
I snapped a quick picture of Naomi Vintage Secret and the lovely Lisa, but here you'll see me showing off with my martini, and our team, which comprised New Sheridan Members The Chairman, The Colonel (who'd flown all the way from Last Vegas to attend), myself and the Whistling Tailor.
I then took part in the Cucumber Sandwich Discus. I didn't win. Neither did The Chairman or W. Tailor. Close came last year's Bronze Cravat winner, then Louise Quatorze, this time rechristened as 'Heidi Heil' the evil Chappist Fuhrerin. It's very utterly British to have a pantomime Nazi villain, so I hope no one will be offended (I have experienced this before, but chalk it up to cultural differences). Heidi threw her sandwich then ran ahead and snatched it up on the first bounce, ate it and then goose-stepped back to the starting line.
During the Umbrella Jousting, Heidi Heil got her comeuppance as her opponent knocked her to the floor and snatched the British flag from her evil grasp. W. Tailor disarmed the dastardly Atters - you can see the remains of his weapon to the right...
Shown here is the Tug Of Hair, sponsored by the splendid Bounder Wax. Not-so-sharp-eyed readers will see Mr Wax himself in the top right there. Bottom left is the eventual victor and Gold Cravat winner 2010, The Great Colonesse, who cheated outrageously by using his ridiculously cute daughter to distract his opponent in the Pipeathlon. I gave W. Tailor a piggy back during the same event, which consists of a 10-yard saunter, 10 yards on a bicycle, and 10 yards without one's feet touching the ground, all the while maintaining a fully lit pipe. We took a tumble but came back fighting. Sadly, we were opposite Heidi Heil, who used a carpet of living men to walk back to the finish line. No contest, really.
Here's one final collage featuring yours truly and a selection of spiffing sorts. You'll see me here with the Whistling Tailor, with that cad Atters, with the Butler, and with the gorgeous Retro Chick! I loved meeting you lady, if you're reading! I'll stop boring you all now, but instead say that if you'd like to see more photographs, including Mr Ridley's extreme bicycle stunts, plenty of action shots and chaps in tweed; head over and view my Flickr set here.
I leave you with some video links... watch me in the Cucumber Sandwich Discus (and hear the cheer when I am announced :D). Brits can watch this totally inaccurate review from London Tonight (chaps only events? What rot!). Lots of videos cropping up on One's Tube as well.
Can't wait for next year now.
Edit: RegLegsinSoho has explained the whole Heidi Heil thing, which has caused some small controversy, far more succinctly than I.
"It was intended in the same way as Chaplin's film The Great Dictator. To ridicule fascism is the most effective way to demean and reduce it. The very opposite of hero-worship."
There's nothing much more to add.